In, Holding Space and the Empty Glass, I will share a reference or theory I use when I am in an emotional quandary. Also, this is in reference to our people and others.
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Let’s look at holding space as an empty glass for an instance.
I have a crystal clear acrylic glass, it’s tall and with a bubble pattern design. It can hold approximately sixteen fluid ounces of liquid. I preferably fill with water for hydration. But, today it is empty.
It’s hard to hold space and keep your mind filled with clarity and purpose. This morning was a perfect example; let me share a small story about my fifteen and half year old daughter and myself conversation.
School starts at 7:20 am; my boundary line as a parent is that she leaves the house at 6:50 am. This morning she is opening the front door at 6:40 am. You might say: What’s wrong with that, Linda? In those ten minutes the ratio between light and darkness is what counts. She walks to school; her preferred choice in dark clothing on a fairly busy street.
We all know what is was like as a teenager finding our way through emotions and independence. I agreed to her walking to school; it takes twenty minutes. But, this morning she wanted to challenge the boundary lines, to leave early in the pitch black darkness with some foggy existence.
Holding space refers to
creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment for someone to express themselves, share their thoughts and emotions, or simply be present. It involves actively listening, offering empathy, and providing a safe space for someone to feel heard and understood.
Holding Space is me; nonjudgmental as a parent.
One word: safety. My daughter gave me every reason why it should be okay to walk in the dark to school. I listened openly; holding space to hear her out. Remember the acrylic glass; it’s my mind open to listening to her perspective and thoughts.
Resistance came when I asked her to come back in and wait ten whole minutes. She became angry with me, that part I knew was coming. I won’t be her friend, I will be her loving parent guiding her through the challenging moments of her life. We will piss off our children at times. It is the part about both us learning, and growing through these moments. Me saying; Your safety, I will never compromise, my darling. If it means you being upset with me at this moment, I understand.
Ten minutes will not hurt anything, another boundary line is she has to check in and text me that she has made it safely. That’s teaching accountability and communication.
She didn’t want a hug.
We all process differently, and I needed to let her sit with her emotions. She texted me with a (Here.) I have to admit it bothered me the way she reacted towards me. I sat with that for ten minutes and then thought about it. Then I let it go; let it pass through me. Holding space is understanding where she was at and where I was at.
Being a parent is tough and it is also joy. Her safety, I will never jeopardize, me, being the parent with moral standards is saying “I love you’, even though you may not see that right now. Whether she wants to accept that or not. It’s my promise; I made to God and the judge the day I adopted her. That was eight years ago and nothings changing. I’ve raised her since she was one day old baby girl. I’m so proud of the wonderful young lady she is.
That empty glass can be full of emotional turmoil and lack of understanding. Or the empty glass always open and holding space for reasoning and love.
A poem to think upon.
Rain has come to October.
Raindrops pelting hard against
the windows and the pink roses.
Withering petals hold on
as long as they can like I do.
I know the days of Winter to
come and how I must bury
my roots deep into the soil.
Withstand the turbulent wind
Yet, I know of the sun and its
warmth. I have that same powerful
energy despite how chaotic this
day might get. I will draw upon
my courage and withstand.
Places you can find me:
Sending love and light! Have an amazing day, Beautiful Souls!
Linda J Wolff