In the post titled Emotional Energy: Energize or Drain, I am going to share with you today; me. These emotions I have and how I use them, how I process and comprehend deeply.
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Emotional energy in poetry.
As a writer, poetry is my lyrical expression, and here at Cultivating Calm Within. This is my platform to be relatable to you. I am unapologeticly authentic here. You, my fans, followers know my secrets. I am honest with them and have come to love how they are a part of my learning and growing. I will share a poem today with you, actually several.
Understanding Rain Drops
Right now; I have to capture the quietness.
My emotions; a thunderstorm, I must comprehend.
I process validating my feelings;
because dismissing them will leave them unheard.
My inner child needs a [self] hug.
The rain drops fall into open puddles.
Their reflections honesty; energized.
–Linda J Wolff
This poem is me. Energy. I will energize, not drain.
See, yesterday; I was disrespected. Not just once, but five times. Sometimes I overlook it if it happens once. Yet; patterns are something entirely different. Patterns are those repeated behaviors that need to be called out before they become a real big problem between each other. Remember that resentment, that can build when you hold things in for too long.
I wasn’t feeling well; shared with my significant other that I was going to lie down to rest. Just started dozing off when the door is opened loudly. He starts talking to me, uses our restroom then leaves.
Then again, the door to the garage opens, and closes, opens and close. Mind you the garage door is next to our bedroom. Then again, he comes in to take a shower. More distractions; how do think I felt about then.
You might say, Linda, this is nothing. No, you are wrong, this is everything of things to come if you don’t call it out.
Anger is an emotion. Emotional energy.
It’s a meter as well; going off when the mind and body feel things. I was angry; felt disrespected. See, we have more than one bathroom in our home. Nothing was stopping him from using the other one.
You say to me that I might be overreacting. But what if I don’t react; what if the disrespect becomes bigger and bigger. See, I have been in a relationship where I muted my emotions, never called the behavior out. Guess what; I became the person who became invisible and unheard, unvalidated.
Energy; I energize.
I called out the intrusions. The disrespect. Why? Because maybe the next time I’m napping, he might think twice about grabbing that door nob and turning it. We can’t be afraid of speaking up about the big elephant in the room; the issue.
Yes, his masculine ego was bruised. He sulked a bit. When he’s in this processing mode; that’s when I open space and give him space to think about what happened.
In less than ten minutes; he comes back to me and apologizes. I accept. But, I haven’t completely processed. I didn’t give him a pass yet, it was too soon.
What happens if I give a pass too soon; he won’t remember and the patterned behavior will transpire again. You can actually count on it to happen again. You can’t let it pass too quickly. Because learning needs to take place.
Emotional Energy. Learning to correct a behavior that I didn’t like.
See, when his ego becomes bruised, and he wants to fix this immediately and have it over with. But, life isn’t like that. People process emotions differently. Some need more time. I do.
I wanted him to recognize that I deserve respect just as much as him. We can become stronger together by talking about our past behaviors and how to grow from them.
It hurts when you are invisible and unheard. It hurts like hell. I know, I have lived this experience before in several relationships. No more are the day that I quiet what I really feel. I do not fear putting my voice into the air to be heard.
By doing so I energize my soul, I become more aware of my emotions; my feelings. When I don’t, I drain my souls beautiful essence [energy]. I hope this post is relatable to you, we are all here to learn, grow, and find the deepest kind of happiness with ourselves and others.
Life is a beautiful lesson. A beautiful song. Sending you love and light.