In, Unhappy and Restless: Identity Crisis, it’s possible to lose your identity, you know, the one you are born with. The identity before marriage, children, bills, and responsibilities. I’ve lost mine a time or two.
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I’m not referring to identity theft, although in way it’s almost similar.
Someone gathers all your information and robs you of yourself, recreating another you in your own name.
Today, I’ll share a story of a woman in her early forties. She called me on her way to work, about to see a client of hers. She’s a financial bank coach. It’s usually an hour or more drive. I had some free time, so I decided to pick up her call.
She just blirts out into the air; I’m unhappy and restless. I find my angry.
Angry at work, with clients. I’m angry at my husband of ten years, my children for being children. I’m so angry, Linda! I have a beautiful family. My husband is a hardworking man, and he is loyal. I have two amazing little boys. But, I’m tired and unhappy. Why, Linda?
When we are unhappy and restless; we are having a identity crisis.
I opened space for her and listened to the words she was pulling from her soul, and putting out into the air. She needed to hear these words; to validate them. I encouraged her. I waited until she was finished. Linda, what can I do?
I asked some kind, caring questions? When was the last time you spent time with yourself?
The last time you had fun doing something for you personally? Let me explain this further; I’m not referring to sharing time with your sister, mother, or father, brother, family in general.
How about not taking on the role of 365 days a week mom, or wife? How about with work, or the responsibilities of managing the household. Bills, running errands.
She went quiet for a few minutes. I don’t remember; she said.
I asked; was it a couple months ago, six months ago? Quite frankly it’s been too long. When she said those words; deja vu hit me. Those days to forget about yourself, you serve everyone else’s needs but your own. I knew what what she was going through.
What do you enjoy doing for fun was my next question?
I love shopping; she claimed. Spending a little bit on me, having my hair done, nails, etc. Just hearing her talk about it; I could hear the excitement in her voice.
I have an assignment for you; I expressed to her. Let’s start taking time out for you. Embrace you and your amazing femininity. You’ve lost yourself serving others. It’s time for you now!
Homework: Schedule dad to watch the little boys this week. I want to see you implement this in the coming week. You, my beautiful lady are going shopping to get a pick me up and be defiant in your needs. It’s pamper time for you and your identity. You’ve lost your identity, and your anger and restlessness are demanding “me” time.
With that homework; you need to call me and share how taking four hours to yourself feels. I’m holding you accountable.
This phone call was last Monday; on Saturday at 5:46 pm. She texted me this; I went out today and went shopping for over four hours, I spent $300 dollars on clothing, hair, and nails. I feel like a new woman. But, I feel guilty for spending that kind of money on me.
I knew she was going to say those words; guilting herself for taking care of herself. We think we are not deserving of this. We cannot be much further from the truth and need to do this more.
I shared with her; To the wife that give endless hours keeping the home up, to the mother who meets the demands of raising children and loving them completely. The beautiful lady that works forty hours plus a week. You deserve so much more than $300. You are relentless in your pursuit of happiness. If this can change unhappiness and restlessness to be able to identify with the essence of our soul. You deserve joy and love all the time.
I pray that your family values the undying love that you give unselfishly day in; day out and you likewise. She said; Yes, they do!
I wanted to share this post because there parts of our lives that become so consumed with living that we forget we are in need of self-care. A quiet moment, even if it’s ten minutes. We suffer trauma if we are not grateful for the body we live in. Our mind, body, and soul cry out for help, and we need to care for ourselves.
Sending you love and light!
Linda J Wolff