In, Daily Pep Talk: Listening is My Love Language. I can gain knowledge and understanding just by holding space for listening.
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Listening is a Love Language
Are you a people watcher? I am. I learn and absorb a lot from it. In public, like at a restaurant, I view the room as an observer and a inner peace coach. What I see saddens me at times. I’m not here to judge, sometimes people don’t no how to communicate to one another, maybe they have their own kind of love language when it come to speaking to one another and hearing one another. Who am I to know.
Yet, there are those moments when I couple gaze. For instance, I was watching a couple and I could see the lovely lady in her thirties trying to talk to her person. Yet, it was a one side conversation, because her person was staring into the screen of their phone. I watched her momentarily. Her body language, as each moment ticked by and her person didn’t even look up to acknowledge what she was saying.
Her space became very quiet.
She pulled away from the closeness she was sharing with her person. I could clearly see what was going on. She unplugged from him. Becoming quietly still, no more, were the words of care and love. Fingers tapping the table. All of a sudden she rose from her chair and walked away.
Still, her partner didn’t notice. I saw many things that were upsetting about this situation.
- Disrespect. First, why would you go to a restaurant with your special someone only to be rude by ignoring her over the content on your phone that you could look at any ole time.
- Invisible. She felt invisible in her partners present, unheard, no acknowledgement.
What happened next. Her partner looked up from their phone, duh, a blank look on their face, then the eyes started looking about the restaurant for her. They are waving down the waiter to get the check. Ten minutes has passed.
Calling out the behavior.
I saw what she did, she called an Uber driver. The Uber driver arrived and picked her up, and took her away. I felt everything she felt and did, because I had a similar experience. I can’t say that I couldn’t blame her for here response.
My sweetheart sometimes does that, I immediately call it out. In a pleasant tone, I say:
Me: Will you do me a favor?
Him: Looking at his phone and Facebook answering a yes.
Me: I really didn’t come here to watch my beautiful man be on his phone on this wonderful occasion. Can we disengage from our technology to spent time enjoying each others company? I wanna hold space here in this lovely restaurant with you, but, that’s not happening right now because something is interfering with that.
Him: Am I doing that again. Sorry, honey! He put his phone in his pocket and it stayed there.
We don’t have to be cruel to get what we want. We just have to express what we want.
Back to our couple, he paid his bill and left in a rush. I saw something on his face. I believe it was panic. All that masculine energy reduced to mere anxiety and panic. I wonder how he could resolve such disrespect and rudeness.
I pray that she steps up and protects her amazing feminine energy by calling it out for what it is.
So many times we can make things better if we can recognize that we need to hold space and quiet our fingers and body to listen to our people vent their thoughts, anger, or challenges.
By holding space for listening we are saying I love you and I am embracing your moment to be heard. It’s important to me that your needs are a priority.
When we actively pay attention, we are saying we empathize how they are feeling. I don’t blame the lovely lady for getting up and leaving. Maybe, this has happened one too many times to her and she had enough.
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
Listening is a love language, and I show love by quieting my presence and open space so they are allowed to voice their experience, put it into the air to be heard and acknowledged. As a inner peace coach, it’s my empathy and compassion that goes a long ways.
I hope this day finds peace flowing through your veins to your soul. Sending love and light!
Linda J Wolff