In this post, Emotional Challenge #3: Stop Deflecting Pain. Start recognizing when you are suffering mentally or physically and stop deflecting instead of addressing how to resolve the pain.
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The Real Reason We Suffer
is because we ignore or push down the pain deep inside of us instead of going to the source of the pain and resolving it. This morning, I was scanning across some Instagram posts and came across a Mindvalley post. The post was about recognizing your pain threshold and how to conquer your discomfort.
Let me share my story of this type of deflecting pain. This Memorial Day weekend, my sweetheart surprised me with roses. Not the kind of roses you put in a vase on your kitchen table. But, the kind of roses that need to be planted in a garden space so that roots take hold and thrive. The kind of roses that needed space to be planted and attention.
This type of project takes commitment
and time. So once you get started, you just can’t stop. Our time frame was the from Saturday to the end of day on Monday (Memorial Day.) It entailed teamwork and effort. We roto tilled an area of 32 x 11 ft area, half circle shape. Then we put weed killer in the soil, then a black fabric liner to keep heat and stop weeds from popping up. There was a lot of physical labor and mental patience.
The reason I say this is to get my teenage daughter involved in a family project. Of course, there was procrastination at first, I knew that was coming, but once she started helping she had a change of heart. It was like a change took place, she felt a part of something special. I wanted her to see how doing things together as a family can be fun and rewarding.
There’s something about activity that stimulates
the mind, body, and soul. It was amazing that once people put their focus and effort into a project without procrastination, how perspective changes everything. We all stepped back and looked at what we had accomplished. We smiled at one another. Thanked each other for the participation and effort. We were quite happy at our efforts.
The next morning I was hit with the reality, of how much effort I had put in. Every muscle in my body ached. I ignored it for awhile, but, with practicing self-care. I had to change the source of the discomfort. Something, I had learned is to relax the muscle spasms. Ibuprofen, does wonders for that. Warming your muscles up with small exercise. Stretches. Walks.
Now with that kind of pain, it’s quite easy to deflect it onto another person.
When I started my journey of day-to-day practice, it was in recognition that its my pain, and I stop deflecting pain. I could not make someone else feel miserable just because I was suffering. My goodness, I watch the news, and there’s so much suffering. I see so much of people deflecting their pain upon others.
The shootings, rape, drug and alcohol abuse. It’s too much. When we suffer as children, and grow up deflecting our suffering on to someone else. It’s quite sad that someone dies at the hands of another who couldn’t get the mental help they needed.
We need to stop deflecting pain.
Something, I help my daughter with
is recognizing that she’s hurting. Call it out. Suffering deserves a voice. It’s my calling with this website. To hear that suffering in the world, and let Cultivating Calm Within be a destination of peace where one can create habit-forming changes that heal. It’s why I share my trauma, and experiences. So that you know that you are heard and not alone in your suffering.
Stop deflecting pain and start resolving what triggers your suffering.
What are triggers? Triggers are specific people, situations, events, or conditions that can cause an emotional response or reaction in an individual. In the context of mental health, triggers can be associated with certain traumas or stressful experiences that a person has gone through.
When triggered, a person may experience intense emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, or anxiety. Triggers can be either external or internal; external triggers may include things like loud noises, specific scents, or visual stimuli, while internal triggers may include negative self-talk or memories.
Understanding one’s triggers can be a helpful part of managing and coping with emotions and reactions in a healthy way.
Recognizing your triggers is a gift to your healing.
I can’t tell you how much I rely on my day-to-day practice and awareness. My world changed, my perspective is one of openness. I want that for you as well.
In conclusion, I want for you to listen within, when you feel the urge to use anger, frustration, hate, or suffering and unleash it upon another. Think about how you feel when someone treats you badly. We need to stop deflecting pain and stop the suffering going on in our world.