In this advice column post, The Dating Lifestyle: Masculinity Versus Femininity. Todays topic is about our roles as couples and how sometimes there’s more masculine traits then there are feminine traits. Meet Steven and Marcella, a couple that came to me for relationship advice after a breakup. Don’t make the same mistakes as them.
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Meet Steven & Marcella: The Masculinity Role
Steven and Marcella had been in a relationship for almost two years, after one year they decided to live together. They had their happy times and challenging times. Marcella was a strong-willed woman. She struggles with sudden loss and abandonment issues. So she has a tendency to become controlling when she feels her partner pulling away. If you feel abandonment too, leave me a comment? This story might feel relatable…
Steven was a hard-working man, he had many challenging relationships always ending in breakups. So Steven would go inward and shut down, he would go binge drinking on these occasions. He also would disappear for a fews on end.
Masculinity Versus Femininity Roles
Marcella came to me this last week asking for relationship advice after their breakup. She shared with me her story, I started seeing where Marcella was taking on a masculine role because of her abandonment trauma.
As I listen to her, I started seeing a picture roll out before me, something was missing in this beautiful union between these two amazing people.
Communication and understanding.
Steven and Marcella had not opened up with their “I feel words. Remember my article, Self-Healers & the Magic of “I.” Those two words I feel can carry a powerful message of self-love and boundaries. I understood where each of them stand, the fear of being hurt, left and abandon again. Now, I can relate to what they were going through.
I asked Marcella: Do you love him? Her answer: Yes, I do! That’s all I needed to here from her.
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
We cannot control what our significant other thinks or does. We can only communicate our feelings and how their behavior impacts us.
Leaning Back Into Femininity
I found that Marcella was using too much masculine controlling and it was making Steven feel smothered. No man wants to feel pressure in a relationship. They want to be respected not forced to do thing unhappily. There are ways of asking a man to do things for you, like communicate, to do chores, help with the household bills.
There’s ways of asking lovingly and respectfully that bring about his manliness and he will step up into masculine role..
Most men want to rescue his damsel in distress, yet, as a woman we want our independence. Something I know, is that you can have both. Another thing that apparently clear was Marcella was doing all the investing in the relationship.
My advice for Marcella:
Masculinity versus femininity
Steven had come and packed up his belongings. The last words spoken together were words of anger and animosity.
So here’s my advice at the moment to Marcella. When a woman falls back into her feminine power, she’s resilient .
- Remember what an amazingly powerful woman you were before him.
- Give Steven two to three days to cool down and collect himself.
- No contact, unless he reaches out. You both need a timeout.
- Space gives us time to get the emotions out of the way.
- In those two days, meet up with friends, take pictures of what your are doing.
- Go for a walk with your dog, overthinking this only make matters worse.
- Watch your favorite chick flick.
- Don’t bad mouth him to anyone, he doesn’t deserve that.
- Stay focused on your belief system and values.
- It’s about self-care for you and your mindset.
- See, time helps calm things down so you can come together peacefully.
In my last post, The Dating LifeStyle: Is Someone Wasting Your Time? I shared my dating experiences with different men. One thing I learned, is to have self-worth values and boundaries in alignment with my mind, body, and spirit. It’s how I found my beautiful man, Phillip!
Knowing what I was looking for in a man saved me valuable time. Let’s save you some time and energy.
So Marcella’s weekend homework was to implement some of my self-care tips for a bad day. Breakups hurt, but, they don’t have to be devastating.
Marcella is going to reach back out this week and I am wishing her healing.