In this post, The Dating LifeStyle: Is Someone Wasting Your Time?, I want to share love, light, and some dating lifestyle advice.
Quality versus Quantity Dates
Hello, beautiful intelligent souls! I hope this post finds you safe and well. Do you know that when we are born, inside us, we have this inate need for companionship? See, our father or mother were our first companions in life. Seeking comfort, love and support through their embraces and love.
Yet, depending upon the experiences or the lack of experience, our parents may not have been able to give us the comfort, love, and support as a child. Our parents tried and we must forgive them if that love wasn’t perfect.
I’ve wrote in previous post like the Self-Healers & The Magic “I.” of how I was raised. Tough times. But, one thing I learned over time is that they tried. As I grew into my life, the experiences of quality over quantity played a key role. Have you noticed the level of awareness when it comes to self-love from life coaches?
The Dating LifeStyle: Is Someone Wasting Your Time? I’m hoping some of my dating experiences might resonate with you.
My life is full of learning experiences, and I’m still open to it. Through each dating experience I learned something about myself. I suffered from separation anxiety. This happened after breakups, being dumped, divorce, my late husband dying of cancer, and other experiences.
Some people quit after these experiences, they are afraid to feel love again. This makes me feel sad. Because, I once felt that way too. Afraid to be alone or feeling loneliness all the time.
Something, I needed to learn was to love myself, my self-worth, values, and boundaries. After all that loss, I took some time off from the world and people. I found myself again. But, I made a promise to myself, my needs come first.
Lesson #1: If someone is unwilling to talk about the real things…
They are wasting your time, and energy.
Dating Experience with Robbie: Robbie was a scorpio, a passionate and hard working man. But, something I learned from my experience with him was that there was no emotional commitment. I invested too much of my time and energy wanting him to marry me.
He didn’t feel that way. He didn’t know what he wanted from life. When that topic was dismissed so many times, and everything was surface level with him. It was a reality check that he was never gonna be invested for a long-term relationship.
It was time to let go. I had the talk with him and walked away. We agreed on staying friends. The most saddest part was, that he passed away one year and ten months of our separation. I also learned that I wasn’t going blame myself either.
The dating lifestyle can be so challenging. Yet, it’s not.
Lesson #2: If someone is not on the same page…
Dating experience with Derrick. Derrick was a virgo, a hardworking car salesman. My dating experience with him was short lived. He avoided meeting my friends or family and didn’t want to invest in the fun, casual dates. He only wanted sex. I learned about the variables that were never going to work. He talked about a future without me in it, big clue for me.
Being honest with him, and calling out my boundaries was the most loving thing I could do for myself. It’s as simple as that. We don’t have to call them names, or berate them. It just uses too much of your self-love energy and light energy.
Lesson #3: If someone blows hot and cold
Dating experience with Tony. Tony was a pieces, a self-employed hard working man. My dating experience with Tony lasted four months. In the beginning he seemed really interested, we would see each other for several days, have a wonderful time together.
Then it would happen, he fall off the face of the world, no texting or phone calls. Then he would show up again, wonderful few days again. A whole week would go by, nothing, nonexistent. It didn’t feel right, I put my boundaries in place and just dropped off from the world. I became nonexistent too… It just came to be that he disappeared, and guess what. I was relieved.
Something I was learning, I didn’t need them to fill my days or nights. I had me, the best and only person I needed.
Lesson #4: If someone tells you he doesn’t want anything serious
Dating experience with Markus. Markus was a Sagittarius. He just moved into the area, looking for work and staying with friends. But, on the first date we spent four hours talking about everything. I found that Markus was going through a divorce, he also said he wasn’t serious.
We both agreed to just enjoy each others company, and be friends while we dated other people. We still are friends a year and a half later.
Lesson #5: If someone is one dimensional
Dating Experience with Jeff: Jeff was a Capricorn. He worked at a prison. Jeff was committed to his job, he had invested thirty years in his job as a security officer. We would have a great time together when we had dates. But, over time I found it was one-sided. It was his way or the highway.
I don’t work in that kind of environment. He was going through a lot and I offered to just listen, but it was pretty obvious that he didn’t want to open up. I was looking for someone who was his true self. So there was no investment there with him.
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
The Dating Lifestyle can be fun…
But, you have got to know what you want.
Something I learned from all these lessons in dating men was not to complain about them. I wanted to experience and understand that my inner child needed to learn, grow and practice in cultivating calm within.
Understand these men and their inner child. I wasn’t going to tell them that they were bad or horrible people. Because they weren’t, they just had not found time to heal THEMSELVES. They were trying to figure life out itself. That’s okay too!
You’ve got to understand that people aren’t perfect. It’s wrong to place judgement. It’s wrong to set expectations and force them to meet them. The only thing you will be greeted with if you follow that path is rejection and disappointment.
Guess what! You will probably blame them too. Instead of taking hold of your inner child’s hand and YOU processing through all the unexpressed or unresolved emotions you’ve carried into each date.
Concept?
Why don’t we take our experiences, beliefs, and feelings that have been repressed or ignored and deal with them. We SHOULD try to understand them and heal from past traumas or emotional wounds. Why don’t we take every dating experience and understand how it was a learning lesson and what we could change about ourselves to improve our outcome for some great dating experiences.
IN CONCLUSION: I’m going to continue to share The Dating Lifestyle advice, why? I believe that I can help you find true love. Why because I have, and it is beautiful with this amazing man I am with going on almost two years.
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