In this blog post, Self-Healers & The Magic of “I.” I’m gonna create magic in showing you how through learning, growing, and sharing, how I opened a void I had kept closed for so long. Maybe, you are at that place that I have passed through. That place where my inner peace now has a voice and communication was the instrument, is the key in every day, and how I used it to open up the door to becoming the self-healer.
- Linda Wolff: Reboot the Brain. Find Inner Peace. Drive Ambition. Live Successfully.
- << Last Post: Motivational Quote: Shadows and Light
Who are these self-healers?
This self-healer is you or me, the person who takes responsibility and actively works on healing themselves, whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual healing. They may use various practices and techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, exercise, therapy, or alternative medicine to improve their well-being and address any issues they may be facing.
Self-Healers use the magic of “I.”
Let me share pieces of my story, and how I finally learned of the magic in the letter and word “I.”
As a child growing up in my day an age, you only spoke when you were spoken to. See, if you did otherwise there was retribution, that was a loud scolding, or a leather strap across the back side of my legs. Bruises were like clothing, only to be hidden under layers of different styles of apparel or silenced into the closet of a child’s ribcage.
You can spot the children who had a good life, they were loud, laughter spilled into the air like fireworks, explosions of happiness everywhere and then there was me. When I became a teenager, know one paid attention to the quiet ones. So it wasn’t a surprise that I married early. Marriage was the key that opened prison cells.
And love can be the blind bandages.
The Magic of “I’ Becomes the Force of the Hand in Healing.
One day I woke up, and never looked back. See, when you’re a child you learn things, wrong or right, or indifferent. But, you wake up because you grow and you are tired of being smothered in the avoidance or the assumption game.
My world turned upward when I learned the appropriate way to say “I feel something!” I know you do too, and when I found my “I feel voice, no one would ever again silence it.”
As an adult, in a new relationships. This magic of I comes up quite frequently especially in the early stages of these relationships with beautiful different men. When the man with the assumption of friends with benefits comes along, the magic of “I” stands for boundaries and self-worth. The value I hold in high regard.
Me, learning to overcome avoidance is looking inward at the past I carried like a luggage bag of all my insecurities, fear, anger, and experiences.
But, there’s something when I use communication to establish a relationship, whether it is in friendship or acquaintances. There’s magic!
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
You are a Self-Healer too
Especially if you are seeking balance and peace throughout every day. See, it’s not a one off, it’s in every day I use the “I feel word.”
Let me share an example: I am with someone now that we both use the magic of “I.” We are both self-healers. Our relationship is profoundly simple and beautiful, even when it comes to the difficult conversations like talking about sex or a creating a will. These are topics that can be quite sensitive, but, for us it’s easy.
Why? Because we both came from a history of abusive people and learning to heal ourselves was valuable to our wellbeing and livelihood. Something from my past was always having to start over from bad situations. I have had a few bad dreams of losing him through death only due to experiences from my past of finding one of my ex’s dead. Finding his cold body in the hallway of a home we shared.
Self-Healers: Communication & Listening
My sweetheart saw that I was really tired; he asked me if I was okay. I shared my dream with him and how I feared that I would be left stranded again. See, when we can be open and communicate our fears with our significant other, magic happens.
After, I had shared my fears, he wanted for me to feel protected, he took me to the bank and put my name on his account because he didn’t want for me to ever go through being stranded and left having to struggle again raising a child.
He shared with me, that no one ever in his life has cared or respected his heart more than I do. I show it every day, and show up even in our difficult moments.
Through communication, listening and honesty, respect and loyalty, good times and the bad days we show up through our actions and words.
You can too! We can all use the power of action and communication. Be a self-healer that implements the magic of “I’ throughout your mind, body, and soul.
The People Who Carry the Blame Luggage
I had a man reach out to me yesterday, he was angry. I listened to his words, he shared that him and his wife had been married many years. He wanted to keep the relationship, yet, he kept saying over and over that she was to blame. That she couldn’t understand him. I sat back, these words hit me hard, it felt like deja vu.
That was me so long along. I asked him a question: Is she really the blame for all of this anger you’re feeling right now? He grew silent. Then angrily replied: Yes!
Then quietly, I said. “I feel that she might not be entirely at fault.”
Yeah, you might be right! He said.
See, I didn’t use the word “You.” That would have made him feel attacked.
I feel that there is still a love between you two? Yes?
He said; Yes, there is, but, we can’t see eye to eye on things.
I understand; I said to him. It’s too easy to blame others for our choices and words.
When to not use the word “You.”
If you’re angry, go cool off, okay! It’s not the time for resolving issues. When we are angry, it’s the blame game time, there’s no reasoning. That’s when we use the word “You” the most.
I find even I am angry and my man ask: “Are you upset with me?” I answer honestly. “Yes.” Because calling out a bad behavior immediately is good for the both of us, but, I use the “I feel” word.
Example: Remember, I have pet peeve about phone time and quality time? Well that was going on, we sat down to watch a movie together. When half way through he bring his cell phone out and gets lost in social media.
Instead of getting angry; I grab the remote and pause the movie. Wait for it. The audible has gone quiet, I sip slowly on my Liquid IV, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... He looks up and says to me: I’m doing it again, huh! I just say; Yep!
Then here comes the magic. He puts his phone down on the end table, then turns towards me and says: Are you upset with me?
Nope! I say to him. I’m just waiting till we can resume watching our movie.
I’m sorry, he says, apologizing for disrupting our evening. See, Recognition is everything!
See, we don’t have to become angry. I just took a moment to break the mold quietly and lovingly. If we are consistent in our loving actions and using the word “I.”
Beautiful practices become a life balanced with inner peace.