In today’s second post of Take Control Mentally #2: Seed by Seed. The Fear of Failure. I want to share the research and theories that I have come across that relates to practicing taking control mentally and how fear can trigger the I’m afraid of failure pattern.
Who is this article for Taking Control Mentally #2:
The Fear of Failure
Hi, beautiful people! I am writing this article primarily for those who are afraid of failure, who focus on being perfect, who tells themselves not to even try, and the ones who talk negatively to themselves. It’s a fear I once felt and I know a few of you are feeling it right now. I know how it can affect the mind, body, and soul.
My Story: I can’t count how many times someone has said these words to me; Great book; I hope it sells or nobody’s listening, maybe I was told “Oh, that will never sell. I have learned to be shot down more than uplifted and embraced for taking the small wins.
Do you know what I learned the most? That fear of failure, that it wasn’t good enough. I remember when I published my first poetry book, yes, there’s the critique, I can wrap my mind around that, I just edit and proofread. But, there’s those professionals that don’t like that you have the gift to write, especially creative writing.
Oh, how I would hear the snide remarks; Oh, you should quit while you are ahead. “You are an awful writer. Does this sound familiar? Does it ring a loud bell inside you?
What does this look like to you or me? This repeated consciousness of being afraid of failure.
Let me list a few things that triggered a repeated behavior in me:
- Something I learned and put in to affect early on was the pattern of giving up. [Start a project and not finish it.]
- I’d tell myself not to try anymore.
- I would over compensate, try to be perfect in everything I do. [My home had to be spotless, everything had to have its place. My relationships: I did all the investing.]
- I told myself they will always tell me no. [Expecting rejection every time.]
- I would self-sabotage; putting myself down.
Guess what happened to me: I became paralyzed within. It kept me from fulfilling dreams and living a life of happiness. Sound familiar. Do you know how much time and energy a person uses on fear of failure.
See, I believe if I tell my story and reveal the trauma and triumphs that you will relate to it and it could possibly help you recognize some place within you that might be stopping you from living successfully.
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
Take Control Mentally: How I Reboot the Brain and Find Inner Peace
Something, I learned through day-to-day practice was if I can change my reaction to the fear of failure, I take control mentally. I break down my fear into a step-by-step process.
- Body Awareness Check: How does my body change when I lose control? My breathing changes, I get my chest tightening up, shaking in my hands, hyper-tension, triggers an asthma attack in me.
- Raising Consciousness: I am observant of how my body changes before my mind comprehends the feeling of losing control.
- Response Exercises: I recognize the physical changes happening to my body and respond with exercises as soon as I feel the changes.
Coping Strategies I Use:
These strategies are quite helpful when I’m about to lose control. I especially have this “fight or flight” stress reaction, and I have found taking longer, slower breaths are more effective as soon as I finish one of the exercises below.
- Put feet on the ground, sit in a chair, take deep breaths, focus on an object [preferably something soothing.]
- Embrace someone for 2 minutes. [Euphoria.]
- Hold someone’s hand, them slowly caressing, talking softly.]
- Breathe slowly and count up to 90.
- Exercise or walk slowly.
- Meditate for 90 seconds.
Since I was a child I have learned coping mechanisms to deal with these feelings, what about you? See, self-criticism was my coping mechanism in an attempt to protect myself from the criticism of others. Especially, WHEN it started with my parents, it took a lot to overcome it.
Find inner peace by recognizing these patterns, write them down so you can remind yourself how to identify the pattern of fear and failure.
Take Control Mentally by Tackling Self-Criticism
Strategies that help me find inner peace.
- Anchor Thoughts: I think back to moments of my life when I felt joy inside. This for me could also be a positive quote like “I’m giving my best at the ability I know how.”
- Spend Time With Your Small Circle: When I am self-critising myself, it’s time embrace the people who love me. A phone conversation or get together works every time.
- Picture Someone Else: Imagine you berating yourself , now think of say those very same words to your mom, maybe your sister. I just couldn’t. Boy, does thank change my perspective of thinking.
In conclusion: I saw something I was doing, it was not a healthy place to be. Realizing that my fate isn’t fixed, and I have such skill sets that are helpful and relatable to others. I mattered, and my gift to write and share a message is valuable asset to others who might be suffering with the fear of failure.
Sending love and light to all of you!