Meeting Other’s Expectations: The Calm Truth

In this insightful post, “Meeting Other’s Expectations: The Calm Truth.” I have learned that reality is a hard concept at times to accept. Yet, reality stares one in the face one too often…

Why is it human instinct to fall back into old patterns or habits?

There are times when meeting expectations is a part of life, like say for instance, your job expects you to show up on time, or there are declines to be met. Maybe, a widespread expectation of an event that’s about to happen. But, that type of expectation isn’t what this post is about.

I’m referring to “meeting other’s expectations” at risk of one’s happiness or life.

Meeting Other’s Expectations or Saying No

I fell victim to this type of thinking as a child, then into my teenage years too. I was raised in a “shut up until you are spoken to type of mentality.” Something that was engrained in me deeply.

You know it was really hard to recognize this. My first hint of reality was when I was in my first marriage, and you look back how love blinds you into a false sense of reality. When things go wrong, you react, you feel resentment, emotions fly. No one ever taught me that “saying no was the powerful part of holding onto one’s identity.

Being married, I thought it was my duty to meet every expectation my husband wanted, even when he was drunk and abusive. Until I had enough.

Self-Help Resources & Books

There was an occasion at Christmas time, my husband had been out Christmas shopping, and he came home in a drunken super. While he was out, a friend of the family stopped by to drop off gifts. My husband saw those gifts, asked who had brought them by. When I shared with him who it was, he went into a jealous rage.

He took the gift he had bought for me, and busted it up. It was a jelly pot for me, he knew I loved making homemade jams and jelly. Then, he came towards me threatening that he would put it through my face. [Now comes the hard reality check.]

See, events like this are dead wrong. This type of behavior is mentally abusive. I told him I wanted out or we get help with counseling. Nope, that wasn’t happening.

I was without a job, or car, he threaten to take my children away if I left AND hated him, and felt guilty for feeling this way. I felt like a prisoner, no one believed me either. I’m sharing this story because we should never feel stuck without no means for help.

All these years of learning to say no, has been a powerful journey.

Here’s 5 reasons Why You Shouldn’t.

1. Your happiness and wellbeing come first: Meeting someone else’s expectations often comes at the expense of your own happiness and wellbeing. It’s essential to prioritize your own needs and goals to lead a fulfilling life.

2. You are not responsible for others’ happiness: You can’t control others’ feelings and shouldn’t feel the pressure to do so. Your job isn’t to meet someone else’s unrealistic standards or expectations. It’s up to them to manage their own emotions.

3. You have your own unique path: Everyone is on their own journey, and it’s not reasonable to compare yourself to others or try to fit into specific molds. Embrace your individuality and follow your own path.

4. You deserve respect for who you are: It’s essential to be true to yourself and not compromise your values or beliefs to meet someone else’s expectations. People who respect you will support and accept you as you are.

5. You can’t make everyone happy: It’s impossible to please everyone or make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. Instead, focus on doing what’s right for you and those who truly matter to you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, there are several resources available for help:

1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call the free 24/7 hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). The hotline offers support and crisis resources for individuals in distress.

2. Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to speak to a crisis counselor. This service provides free, 24/7 support via text message for anyone experiencing a mental health crisis.

3. SAMHSA’s National Helpline: Call the free, confidential, 24/7 hotline at 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357). The helpline offers referrals and information for individuals and families facing substance abuse and mental health disorders.

4. Emergency Services: If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. 

Remember, it’s always okay to ask for help. Suicide prevention resources are available 24/7 and are always confidential.

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