In todays article, Inner Child Wounds: The Lack of Affection, I will share my story of being a child without the “I love You‘s” or hugs and kisses. I know what you might be thinking, “how is this possible?” It was believe me, and I will share how it triggered me as an adult too.
- Linda J Wolff: Reboot the Brain. Find Inner Peace. Drive Ambition. Live Successfully
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Inner Child Wounds in Me.
When I was a young girl, I didn’t think about what I needed to be a whole beautiful being. I just lived within my parents standards of how they were raised. I didn’t question things. We had food on the table, a warm place to lie down when I was tired, I guess you could say, I was given the essentials.
But as I grew and went to school, I noticed things. I’d watch as other parents would wrapped their arms around their child, hug and kiss them. The words “I love you” came with those hugs and kisses. This was a foreign language I didn’t know of, see, my grandparents didn’t give hugs or kisses either. It was just the world I knew as a child.
But as time went by and I became a teenager, I started recognizing feelings. The articulate way my mother and father wanted everything perfect. Let me explain, every morning my bed had to be made. Mind you there couldn’t be any wrinkles in the sheets or top blanket. Dishes had to be spotless to, there were vegetable gardens to pull weeds from. Also, laundry to hang on clothes lines.
Yet there was the lack of human emotion that comes through those pretty little words intertwined with love, and those warm embraces of affection.
See, I wanted that show of affection with those words.
Through that teenage girls eyes, I yearned for it. Yet, when I was twelve, my father gave me affection in the wrong way. Clearly I could see it in his eyes, it wasn’t love, it was lust. At first his attention thrilled me, as time went on I hated and feared his attention. I would hide in the closet or under the bed just until my siblings came home or my mother did. I told my mother about it, nothing happened, this went on until I met someone.
What I yearned, I thought, I found in my first relationship.
When they say love is blind, it’s entirely true. See, I had started resenting, and had become angry with my parents. They had made me feel unheard and invisible, except for when they needed things done around the house or elsewhere.
Although, I had fallen in love with Shawn, it was really me wanting an exit plan from my parents home, I was running away from the issues at home. I didn’t know how to recognize my feelings and how to get help. After eight months, Shawn and I married. It was too soon. The inner child in me thought I WAS SAFE.
Self-Help Resources & Books
- Heal From Your Past, Create Yourself
- It Ends With Us
- Things We Never Got Over
- The 5 Love Languages
- Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress
Understanding I Couldn’t Blame My Parents for My Inner Child Wounds
It took me awhile to understand and forgive my parents. Learning to embrace who they are and their history, it’s helped me to grow into the beautiful being I am today. When I learned of my parents lifestyles growing up, I could understand the lack of attention. See, they were not given affection either and couldn’t understand it. It was the way of life at that time, you just survived.
As for my first husband and I, we divorced after twenty years. Life becomes so complex, because he had his own issues with alcoholism. It stemmed from his childhood as well.
Healing from childhood trauma means becoming an autonomous adult. Healing is really reprising ourselves.
@the.holistic.psychologist
About five years ago, I started practicing knowing my limitations, my boundaries, Spoke my truths, respectfully.
That’s how Cultivating Calm Within came to be.
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I can set boundaries:
- I’m in control of who I share time with and where my energy goes.
- I say ‘no’ even if someone doesn’t like it.
- I can disengage myself from negative situations or people without feeling any guilt.
Excellent!
Thank you! Have an amazing day!
I can so relate to this! I recognized the lack of shown affection or hearing “I love you” from my parents as a very young child. Like you, I saw it at school when other parents dropped their kids off. I saw it on tv how parents openly told their kids they loved them and hugged them numerous times. I remember being in kindergarten or first grade and getting ready to walk out the front door while my mother, tired from working 3rd shift, laid on the couch half sleep waiting to see if she’d say “I love you, have a great day at school” and she never would. I did this for years. I yearned to hear it my entire school age life. It never happened. Over time I realized that my parents didn’t come from loving, affectionate homes so they didn’t know how to show it. Now as a mother of 4 I’ve found myself overcompensating with my children with the “I love you’s” and hugs. Then I remind myself that no one ever died from to many hugs or hearing “I love you” too often.
Thank you for your response! Life can be so relatable, I tell my daughters, I love You too, along with some great guideline to keep balance and harmony in the family frontline… LOL
I treasure your openness. Thank you for your presence.
I am a messenger of love— of inner self and soul. My openness I pray may give answers to help others