Gaslighting can happen in any circumstance and in any relationship.
In todays article, “The 3 Warning SIGNS of Gaslighting” you will learn what gaslighting is and how it can impact your day-to-day life, also I will share how we can react to it in cultivating calm within you.
- Linda J Wolff: Reboot the Brain. Find Inner Peace. Drive Ambition. Live Successfully.
- Last Post: Stillness is Power. Practicing Calm.
What is Gaslighting?
Merriam Webster, defines gaslighting as : psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.
Recognize the 3 Warning Signs of Gaslighting.
What does this look like to you:
Step 1. It’s a denial of a person’s reality. This is the manipulator deflecting when you ask touchy questions, or blaming you for things going wrong in the relationship.
Step 2. Then they tell you there’s something wrong with you.
Belittling you in front of others, or when you two are alone. Criticizing or blame game. Telling you that you are the problem, that your crazy. That there’s nothing wrong with them.
Step 3. It’s not a one off.
The narcissistic abuse happens over time, that is the with the complete break down of your spirit, you become the victim, submitting and believing everything they say and do.
You might be interested reading more on this topic: 7 Stages of Gaslighting in a Relationship
Books to help with narcissism:
Cultivating Your Calm Within You
I have to be honest with you when I wrote this article it brought back memories of the experiences I that had gone through, those were some difficult times and some healing times.
In my first marriage, I got married while I was in my senior year. Something I learned was to take your time getting to know your person. See, I didn’t! After eight months of being in a relationship, we were wed. I thought I was “in love.”
We stayed together for twenty years, through fighting, two children, there were a lot of rough patches, it’s when alcohol and control took charge. I was miserable.
I was unhappy, what made me look back was the years of mental abuse and controlling behavior, jealousy. But, something in me started resenting him, hating him, I wanted out.
I started planning for my exit. I was working full time, and I had opened a new bank account for myself, and started putting money aside for that rainy day that I would leave.
See, we went to marriage counseling, but, again the controlling behavior would come up in our sessions, I finally had enough. It was time to end this marriage.
If I knew what I know now, my life would have been different.
I would have been happier. See, I know what manipulation looks like and how it can take you inches of your life, to have a stroke because of this mental abuse.
It’s why I am here sharing my story, I want to help you before you get to that
Here’s why cultivating calm within is so valuable, I learned through practice of not reacting, but just calling out the behavior. I learned my “I FEEL WORDS” and how to articulate them at the right moment and how to be firm yet, be kind at the same time.
Three Steps: Right Person versus Wrong Person
New Relationships, Family, Marriage Established:
- Know your worth, implement your boundaries. If your new flame brings a bad behavior call it out immediately so they know that you don’t like that behavior. Repeat again if it happens. Remember what you think and how you feel about yourself has more value. What you want is ultimate respect and loyalty. See, each time you hold them responsible in respecting you, you build a stronger bond, stronger foundation of trust.
- Reaction versus Calm. Each time some new behavior rises, make sure it aligns with your value system. Don’t be afraid to speak up, you are your own representative, keep your power. The minute we fall prey to a narcissist, we lose a piece of ourselves, and they see it as weakness. Reacting with anger only magnifies the issue, minimizing as much pain can heal us faster.
- When you have arguments or disagree. Do so without anger, speak in a calm voice, share why this upsets you and how they can help to resolve this arguments. It’s not about control or manipulation, it’s about living peacefully with one another.
- Understanding people where they are at. You can diffuse conversations that go badly by using understanding of what the other person might be going through, we can’t assume things, know the facts before you accuse someone of something.
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